This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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