Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
