I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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