she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
