I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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