i would one night stand the shit outta him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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