I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
