He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
