but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
