and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize