Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
