I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
