She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
