My nipple is on Facebook.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
