he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
