Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
