Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
