and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
