Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
