i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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