I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize