i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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