accomplished twins. life is a go
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
