Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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