WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
