nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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