she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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