Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize