Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
