It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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