he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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