i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
dude. I can hear the air.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
