loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
