i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
