THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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