forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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