Sacagawea was the original milf.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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