life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize