my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
