I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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