I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
