No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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