Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
