There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
