im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
