I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
