The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
