I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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