That's intense
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
