I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
