She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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