It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
