You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
