i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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