Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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