I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
