I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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