But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
