I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
