I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
