Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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