2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
