I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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