I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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