i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize