i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
